The Friend Zone Does Not Exist and You Are Probably Not a Nice Guy

by Tori Moore

​"Girls never go after guys like me"

"I'm such a nice guy!"

"Girls only like the jerks"

"She rejected me, I guess she doesn't like nice guys"

If you ever find yourself saying these things, whether it be out loud or on Facebook at 3a.m., I have news for you:

You are not entitled to a girl because you are "nice" to her. You are not entitled to her body, her number, or even her time. 

According to Wikipedia, the term "Friend zone" was coined in 1994 by the infamous "Friends." In the episode, Ross is in love with Rachel, but she only sees Ross as a friend. Now, if you watched the show, you'll know that the two do eventually fall in love. But if that doesn't happen to you with your dream girl, I've got news for you: she just doesn't like you. 

Many men (and yes, women too, but the term is more often than not used by men) will see a girl, whether it be at work or school, and become attracted to her. In that instant, he will probably ask for her number and constantly talk to her in person and on social media. He will probably complain to his buddies about how she "doesn't notice" his flirtatious advances and only keeps the relationship platonic. He will also complain that he does "so much" for her, like voluntarily buying her lunch, telling her she looks nice, or listening to her talk about her "a**hole boyfriend" and how she doesn't recognize all of his effort. Honey, she notices. She doesn't like you. She does not have to. She may not want to tell you straight up because she does not want to hurt your feelings, or maybe she has already dropped hints that she just wants to be friends and you haven't noticed. She may have even flat out told you "no," yet you took that as an opportunity to "show her what she's missing out on" and continue your advances.

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You claim to care about her, yet, when she talks about (very normal) problems (that every relationship has)  with her boyfriend, you scoff and say she shouldn't date such an a**hole. She is confiding in you because she thinks you are actually a good friend and care about her, yet you only really want to date her or get in her pants. 
You claim to care about her, yet you insult her intelligence by thinking that, because she doesn't want to be with you, she is stupid enough to go for the "assholes." 
You claim to care about her, yet insult her independence by thinking she "doesn't know what's good for her" because she rejected you.
You claim to care about her, but you don't respect her right to say no. 
You claim to care about her, but you don't respect her own self respect because you assume that, just because one guy is vaguely nice to her, she should jump the gun and marry him.
You claim to care about her, but you make her uncomfortable when you two are together because you can't just settle down and forget about sex.
You claim to care about her, yet ignore her feelings and continue your advances, ignoring her polite hints to the point where she has no choice but to flat out reject you, probably in an angry way (to which you respond by calling her a b*tch because she "could've been nicer about it).

Then, it gets worse. Once you realize she truly is not interested, you start to resent her. You may even try to guilt her, threaten suicide or self-harm, or call her names. 

You call her a slut because she goes out on a date. You tell her she's stupid for going back with her boyfriend. 

In some cases, you may get violent. Remember Elliot Rodger? He killed women because he was sick of being rejected. 
"All those girls that I've desired so much, they would have all rejected me and looked down on me as an inferior man if I ever made a sexual advance towards them."
"I'll take great pleasure in slaughtering all of you. You will finally see that I am, in truth, the superior one. The true alpha male." (Read more here).

What about these 14 women who were killed for using their right to say "no"?

Do you see my point now? You are not entitled to anyone. If you have ever been nice to a girl because you are attracted to her, and then get angry at her for rejecting you, newsflash: you are not a nice guy. You were trying to woo her to get laid. If you have ever stopped talking to a girl after she rejected you, you were never really her "friend" in the first place. You were pretending to be her friend until you got what you wanted out of her.

It's okay to be upset about being rejected, but it is not okay to have hard feelings toward the girl, call her names, or make her feel guilty.

You may be thinking, "But what if I'm interested in someone and they tell me they just want to be friends and I respect that and we become friends? Isn't that the friend zone then?"
No. That's great that you two can be friends, but that's what you call it: friends. When you tell your buddies that you're in the "friend zone" with a girl, their thought is usually that the girl is a "b*tch" or should just "give him a chance." Frien dzone causes too much negative connotation around the girl. You wouldn't say you're in the "friend zone" with one of your guy friends because you can't make sexual advances, would you?

So, stop telling people you are in the "friend zone" with a girl, trying to make her look bad. Stop saying you're "always in the friend zone" to make people feel bad for you. Stop saying you're "such a nice guy" when all you do is harass girls until they have no  choice but to rudely reject you.

She's just not that into you.
​(And maybe, she already has a boyfriend who's actually a nice guy.)