die in my own arms

plantbaby, 17, Michigan
​
tidal waves in my chest and lava at my feet
I never fell off the chair 

I ripped off my skin sheet the time I jumped
I loved you all
an army of monstrous creations
I will always be the worst
fabricating your existence for an unfair game 

I've written myself as a tragic hero
but I'm not in this play
I am the set
I am the lights 
I am the writer 
I am the paper

I've become what I hate most
I've always been what I hate most
I created the concept of what I hate most

and after all this 
I am still uncomfortable with any idea I have
I can't lack confidence when I am confidence
I can't fear death when I am death

I jumped off the chair
they warned me about that